Hey brnsuga22,
I know from personal experience how difficult life can be when depressed and having suicidal thoughts.
One of the most important things I have learned about depression is that it can be recovered from and managed.
You do have the option of calling your general doctor. I fully doctors don’t seem to have the time to properly assess the problem and come up with a proper treatment plan. While i do think the ease at which prescriptions are just given out as the solution is a problem on its however I think Phil may have a good point in using them to become more stable for a brief period to work out issues and improve your mood.
It sounds like one of your big problems is your husband thought it doesn’t seem intention. I am sure he loves you and has gotten into the habit of thinking your mood isn’t going to change so while it is very real to you je may see it as something he wishes was better for you both and he deals with it as best he can.
So step number one talk with your husband about how you feel and that you need help. I know this may be the most difficult part but as soon as you tell him you feel like you have a serious problem and want his help he will immediately take you serious and that on its own sounds like it may help a great deal.
other bonus tips include doing exercise when can. Purposefully go outside and just walk for a bit and try to relax and enjoy yourself,
This last part that not everyone accepts or recognizes is that anyone can be depressed and once these people are depressed they turn from someone who probably saw them self in a good(or ok) light to someone who does hate themself and feel hopeless. What I am getting at is that everyone think and acts the same general ways when they get into that state rather than being more themselves. I find that if you believe in that then you can stop the downward spiral of looking for what is bad around you and instead taking the time to change your mood to a more positive one by going for walks and forcing yourself to be more open and comfortable with your family. Maybe even tell your children that you are sad because you have been dealing with a lot of stress and with a little extra love you will feel much better.
Hope this helps
